August 18, 2010
maturity and moving past immaturity
Hmmmmmmmmmmmph.
It took a long long time for me to get mature and get past the immaturity that was rampant in me and my actions.I fully take responsibility for not getting it together before. Life had to royally kick me in the behind before i got a clue and figured out that if you dont learn to grow, and if you dont force youself to take a good long look ithe mirror and be willing to see the ugly and the wrong, then you are not going to get anywhere.
With the exception of good friends and family, not all have been receptive to the change. Its caused great strife and heartache for me but through the devastation Ive felt and the regret, has come some semblance of acceptance. I wouldnt wish my attitude in the past on anyone. I dont have a worst enemy but if i did , i wouldnt wish it on them . That would just be mean.
I know that i wont always get my way and thats okay, all im intent to do is what i said to my mother, and didnt yield positive results.; Im going to honor myself. And i am. Its liberating being your own person, leaving aside things that dont fit me anymore. Even if that means some people.
Im okay with not pleasing everyone, as long as i please myself. As i told my mother also, God is always first., Honestly that to me is without question, I just figure at this stage, if i dont cut my own apron strings, which ive told one of my brothers he should do, then i’ll never get ahead.
It would be nice to to be able to still maintain the friendships that i did in the past but somethings just keep rearing their head, and that shows me that it may not be possible and im okay with that .Not even sad as much because maybe deep down , they should have been done long days ago, When you keep having to questions someones authenticity then maybe the answers already there. You dont have to question real friends or their intentions.
Being willing to grow thats the reward i think. Its taken me a long time to get to a place where im okay to accept that. Im still getting things together, its not a done deal for me. I still have many mountains to climb,. many milestones to achieve but im glad to say that finally im on the right path.
Certainly has taken me long enough to get there.
