August 18, 2010
Do you relate?
Do you?
I ask in regards to siblings. I have 3 of them. I get along pretty good with my brothers but have a horrible relationship with my sister. Sad yes, but i dont even have much feeling typing it. Thats the tragedy in and of itself.
We share blood, similar looks but I think thats where it ends. We dont talk, hang out, do much of anything. In the past weve had moments where things were good but then many when we didnt talk at all or when there was talking you could all but feel the dislike.
There just isnt love there. I dont go out of my way to call her and she doesnt call me. The last time spent with her wasnt pleasant. And not of my doing. She came by the house and i had nowhere to escape to but the room i sleep in , and that was later on after a family blowout. Any exchanges are harsh words or insults. Or usually me telling her off in some way or her making some backward disrespectful comment. Those are hard to hear.
Icant act as if im innocent. Im not. I can have plenty attitude and more often than not, I dont walk away from fights. My issue is not wanting to tolerate the BS and wanting to make myself heard. That doesnt always have the results that it should. In a normal world, we’d be able to get along.
But life as we know it, is never normal.
Im envious in a way of people that can have good relationships with their siblings. It would be nice to be able to text my sister often just for closeness; but that doesnt happen and thats fine.It would be nice to be able to say lets go to dessert or a movie or something. Not have it feel like theres an expiration on good times. It shouldnt be like that but unfortunately it is.
Im not expecting or looking for a pity party, life doesnt always correspond the way that we want it to. Lord knows if it did; things would be different.
I dont know how to fix the problem and I have to figure out if i care to. I think thats part of the puzzle of my life that im working on.Maybe i’ll get closure on it and maybe i wont. Those are things that maybe will work themselves out.
All we can do is work on ourselves.
